I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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