I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
