the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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