sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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