We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
