I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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