for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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