The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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