so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
