just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
