What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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