Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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