This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
