Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
