is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
