id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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