You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
