We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
