Non-Jews are for practice
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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