Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
