just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
