This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Drunk is not a location!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
