You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
