Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
