why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she peed on how many people?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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