My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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