i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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