We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
try to milk me bitch
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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