took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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