I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
