Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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