I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She swung at the pinata with crutches
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
