Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
