Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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