at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
