Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
