This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
