Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
