Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
