im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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