I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
