We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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