you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
