Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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