Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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