Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
