I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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