I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
