The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Drake has all the answers
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
