We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
