It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
