a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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