Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
