isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
