i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
