i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
