This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm jealous of your bromance
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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