I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
