Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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