We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
