I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
