what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
