Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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