What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
