Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
