Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
