I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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