I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
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Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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