Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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