just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
